Strip Clubs, Men and who gets hurt.

First let me say I have gone to strip clubs, more then I want to count. I still have a strong urge to go down to one and throw away money. It is an urge that seeps inside of my mind and dominates my thoughts for large blocks of time. One of the biggest enabling thought is "Who does it hurt?"

On the surface the answer is no one. I get my little visual candy and the girl gets money to pay for food, shelter and luxuries. But let us take step back and look at some of the people around. My wife gets effected by this in a couple of different ways. To her it is a slap in the face telling her she isn't good enough, that she isn't important. If one buys in to Dale Carneige, then feeling important is a major part of self worth and happiness. So at this point I have decrease my wife's happiness and there by effect our marriage. So there is two people hurt by this activity. So the answer to this is to do it in secret. What she doesn't know, won't hurt her. Sounds like a good answer because that puts us back at no one getting hurt, right? Well not true because I feel guilty for lying to her, maybe that's just me. My self worth takes a hit because I am doing something I know would hurt her if she found out. If I don't feel guilty then I am just being selfish and selfishness is a relationship killer. In my mind that puts us back at at least two people getting hurt. That is why I resist the urge to go to a club because my marriage is more important then an immediate, short-lived indulgence.

But there was a time before I was married and that is when I hit the clubs, so was anyone hurt then? One could say I was hurt because it gave me an unrealistic view of women or that it hinder me in forming a real relationship. I am not going to go down that path in this post because each person is different and will react differently, but for me I was hurt. No I am going to write about the other member of this party, the girl. I can only imagine what kind of psychological effect this has the girl. Some turn to drugs because their self image takes a big hit because they see them self as nothing more then meet. Men want nothing more then their bodies and as soon as their looks fade their are nothing. Others turn cold and callous because they can no longer believe in love.

I can only base my conclusions on my experiences so I will tell you one. One girl, who I will call Lexi told me her story. She got in to dancing because she knew her mother had done it before. Growing up with that as her role model, Lexi felt perfectly justified in getting into the field. After some time of dancing, Lexi finds out her mother was actually doing police work when she was dancing. This turned her world around and left her grasping at the meaning of her life. As she put it, her mother had done it for some higher reason and she was just doing for money. She took a month off to think about it. On her first night back is where I came into the picture. We spent several hours as she told me her story and talking about whether or not she should continue dance. She now wanted her life to mean something more. How much was this effecting her, well all I can say is that it was more important to her to talk about this then to earn money. When I left, Lexi thanked me for listening and said she was quiting for good. Did dancing hurt her? Only she can say for sure but it seemed to me that it did. Some might read this and say she was playing me to get me to cough up more money. All I can say is I was more then willing but I never gave her a single $.

So who gets hurt? As far as I am concerned, everyone to some extent. Some of the hurt is deep and long lasting, while others can be healed in time.